Dave's

一切又慢慢熟悉起來， 只是人事已非， 一切慢慢上軌道，可是卻依舊是很空虛， 想了很多，也有可能是想了太多。 昨天在市區茶店喝茶聊天，聊了很多心裡的想法， 我同意旭龍最後對我的評價，確實心裡的包袱太過沈重了， 但我卻不覺得是想得太多， 因為我的必須對我的人生未來有個雛形，這是我從過去學到的教訓。 曾經滄海難為水， 我不是故意要一直挑剔我的生活， 只是因為我看過了更好的山水，我看過了我覺得更好的環境， 我不懂為什麼這裡的人想法會這麼狹隘，為什麼大家都只能傻傻地這樣子活， 大家以為這就是世界的規律，但從沒想過在地球的另一端， 有更多更多的人們是怎樣的生活？怎樣的想法？ 所以我一直對所處的周遭感到不滿， 更糟的是我一直認為我曾經有機會選擇一切，但我卻選了另一條路， 這條路給了我很多的後悔， 其實那時候我就知道我不管選了哪條路，我一定都會後悔， 所以只能選擇其中一條比較不會那麼後悔的路。 但充其量，我只是選擇了當時比較好走，讓自己可以繼續逃避的路。 自從那時候開始，為了讓自己不再感到那麼痛苦，為了讓自己活得快樂一點， 所以我只是一直逃避，只能這樣， 因此也沒有任何規劃，正確的說，應該是我的狀況差到根本做不了什麼事...... 無論如何，我在這了...... 人生經常都不是在思考如何做選擇，而是意識到的時候自己已經做了選擇，已經在這條路上 只是思考自己為什麼會在這條路上。 一切就還是一樣， 我討厭這座城市， 我討厭這個太多回憶的地方，不斷地想起，是不斷的在捅刀自己的心； 太過規律有封閉的生活，是在扼殺自己的夢想。 我有著一個以前嚮往的工作，做着自己有興趣的設計，有著熱心教授經驗的學長， 有著不錯的薪水，還有不會太重的負擔， 但我卻覺得很悶，生活好無趣， 到底是怎麼了？ 當我發現這點的時候，我才發現自己真的是改變了， 亦或是，這其實是我內心較為真實的人格？ You know not all the things should always be kept. Not everything you have should be cherished because they may be gone someday even while you treat them with whole your mind. Fall is no longer your favorite season. This season is too sad and have too more sorrow. The cool wind makes you remind your past memories that should not be remembered. You struggle now because this city is too familiar and have nowhere to escape. You may think about the life in LA, in the US. You buried your mind there, in the ice and under the most beautiful aurora of Alaska, under the mountain of Grand Teton just by the pure creek, and the rest punched and blowed into the sky to the faraway land. All the things are past and cannot be owned again. You do know that. However, you still hope that day to come once again. You should forget that woman and move forward. You do know that and understand what does that mean; however, it's really really hard. You do hate this person when she gave you too much pain. The pain is greatly over what you can stand. Many many corner around the city makes you remind the memory again and again. That's gonna drive you crazy sometimes. Therefore, you drink again, cry again and hang down on the bed...again... Need more time to be better. More time and more time... You regret about coming back from the US but nothing to do for that. That's your destiny, your choice. You are here only to try understanding why you made this choice.